Kenny Jones

Friday, July 04, 2008

KENNY JONES - MORNINGS 5-10AM

The Kenny Jones Story

Kenny Jones is the latest addition to MAX-FM air staff. Born in a pup tent in northern California he was abandoned at an early age and raised by a pack of wolves. Growing tired of rural life in the California mountains, Kenny took to the streets of San Francisco. After a short lived career as a pickpocket/three card monty guru came to an abrupt end…he moved across the bay to the luxurious accommodations of the beautiful San Quentin Resort Hotel. During his stay here, Kenny learned to read at a 3rd grade level.

After a short stint at San Quentin, he chose to quench his thirst for knowledge by furthering his education. He’s attended Julliard and is also a graduate of the Harvard Business College. While attending this institution he played football and was able to hone his skills as an odds maker. Although he was implicated in numerous point shaving scandals…he was never charged…I repeat he was NEVER CHARGED!

He later headed for a more tropical climate, relocating to sunny Orlando, Florida. Here he has put his new found skills to work at Dog Tracks in the central Florida area.

After being asked to leave the state of Florida for reasons unknown – he elected to venture further south to the Caribbean. It was only then Jones learned that Gambling doesn’t exist on the island of Grand Cayman and the only gig he was qualified for with his current skill set was “Beach Bum.” After two years of lazing on the beach, it was time for a change of scenery and time to earn some cash.

With a depleted bank account and a hell of a tan, Kenny then relocated to the Middle East. Desination – the United Arab Emirates. When asked about Dubai, Jones replied, “I think it’s great…I can’t wait ‘til it’s finished!” After a year tour in Dubai it was back to the United States of America…something about statutes of limitations running out & lack of evidence.

Anyway, his decision to move to the Northern Colorado was a result of…well…let’s just say he lost a bet. However, he hopes to make the best his stay here at the Regent Broadcasting Empire. When asked about his thoughts on his new location…Kenny said, “I think it’s great,” and “I can’t wait till it’s finished!”

You can catch Kenny, weekday mornings from 5 to 10 only on 94.3, MAX-FM – Rock of the 80s and More.

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KENNY JONES' “OATH TO YOU...MY FRIEND”

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

THIS IS MY OATH! I pledge it to the end. Why, you may ask? BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FRIEND... and friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.